Thursday, March 11, 2010

A different perspective on adoption

This week I received a different perspective on adoption. As an adoptive family, we've seen what I would consider the happy side of adoption. A couple wants to have a child, a child needs a family, and after mounds of paperwork and an interminable wait, a family is born.

We have a close friend of the family who has grown children and teenage grandchildren. A teenage granddaughter of this friend is pregnant and has decided to put her baby up for adoption. Upon hearing this, I said to close friend of the family, "kudos to this young person for making such a mature decision and for thinking of what's best for her unborn child. There is a family out there waiting for this baby that is going to be so happy to have him/her."

My friend didn't see it in the same positive light that I did. She saw this decision as a loss. She was sad that the granddaughter was making this decision and even more sad that she didn't live near enough to be a support system to this granddaughter. She also saw this situation as a breakdown of sorts within her family structure.

This friend is also from a generation older than mine when adoption was closed and there was no contact between the birth family and the adoptive family. Current research is indicating now that an open adoption with contact between all parties is the most beneficial for the child. I hope for my friend's peace of mind that this is possible.

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